I'm Gonna Change My Name to Chrysler

There's a great Tom Paxton song from the 80's called "I'm Gonna Change My Name to Chrysler."

It ought to be the anthem for the latest stroke of brilliance by our exceptionally brilliant new president as he brings to a successful conclusion, the U.S. governments efforts to rescue the floundering auto giant and prevent it from going the way of Studebaker, Hudson, Nash and AMC.

It started in 1979 with President Carter's 1.5 billion dollars in loan guarantees to Chrysler. This plan, under the brilliant leadership of Chairman Lee, paved the way for the US government to become, for the first time in our history, a quasi-partner in an American car company. Chairman Lee and the company, of course, gratefully returned the benefit to the economy by cutting it's white and blue collar workforce by nearly half, and draining tax dollars from the two remaining fiscally healthy US auto companies, Ford and GM to support Chrysler which cut R&D costs and shuffled paper losses around to make it look like they were making a profit.

This brilliant bit of tactical measured information dissemination, led Americans to believe that even an out of touch, mismanaged car company like Chrysler could make a profit and led to a burst of economic growth. That, together with essential higher taxation after the disastrous Reagan tax cuts of the 80's, helped further strengthen American economy and its worldwide dominance in auto manufacturing. This brilliant government information dissemination policy as exercised under the very brilliant President Clinton is, I am certain, responsible for the current confidence of American consumers in the US auto industry.

Sadly, however, the evil Republican machine under the vote stealing George W. Bush removed the government supports keeping the auto industry healthy and once again, after 8 years of failed policies, the auto industry needed a bailout. The Democrat Congressional mandate of 2006, once again allowed the government to resume its proper place in US industry, not only as a micro-managing regulator of car design and working conditions, but of financial management and marketing. Under President Obama, the government has moved with astonishing speed to snatch the management of floundering car companies from greedy corporate executives and, beginning with Chrysler, to buy a controlling interest in US auto industries for the government and then to hand control of these key American industries into the capable hands of the benevolent leadership of the loyal worker's unions which are, of course, best equipped to bring honest and ethical management practices to the company that will replace the desperately corrupt greedy corporate bloodsucker polices of those who seized power during the 8 years of failed policies under Bush and Cheney and Halliburton.

Now, all will be well, as the machinery of socialist............, I mean, enlightened, government controlled central planners will lead the American auto industry to produce the kind of automobiles we need and not just the kinds we want.

Gone will be the gas sucking pickups, SUV's and muscle cars that have corrupted American youth and families. Soon everyone will be traveling by public transit OR in tiny fuel-efficient box-like alternate fuel vehicles paying fuel taxes at such high rates that virtually every social program we can imagine will be possible.

Soon, under the wise guidance of brilliant thinkers chosen by our beloved president, Americans will no longer have to strive to get ahead, they will be able to go home at the end of a hard 30 hour week and watch their information dissemination screens and eat healthy food made from efficiently recycled human waste products and make their exit from the workforce and the health care system after a fair and just length of time as determined by federal length of life committees. (This will be known as the Eat S.... and Die Policy). All will belong to a single proletariat class where no one need envy any other. The media will no longer present disturbing images; only scenes of happy workers contributing to the maintenance of the state and children singing that wonderful "Yes We Can" song in tribute to our glorious leader.

Oh, it makes my heart glad to think of the inevitable joy of serving the state. I shall name my next grandchild "Chrysler" in honor of the car company which led the way to socialist bliss, that is if I ever have any more grandchildren, which is unlikely since my children are all White Anglo Saxon Protestants and therefore likely to be evil conservatives who are, of course, unworthy to reproduce.

I look forward to the day when everyone like me is erased from the face of the Earth and replaced by a sturdy peasant stock, suitable for laboring in the fields and mines and factories of the new Amerika!

Viva Obama!

I am so happy, I could just soil myself.

Che' Gorilla

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The Dear Leader Makes Bold New Move

Today our Fearless Leader announced he would clear the way for 12 million of our brethren from the People's Republic of Mexico to become American voters.

This is brilliant, brilliant!

Last election, our Dear Leader was elected by a mere 9.5 million votes. Because Americans can be such fickle people, this is not enough to insure that His Exaltedness will be re-elected next time. Americans have lived so long under such a distorted and unfair system of government that they may not understand the sacrifices for the state they will have to make under the gracious leadership of Barak the Bold.

Twelve million new peone' voters from the socialist republics to the south, for whom such sacrifices are a way of life, will virtually insure the continuation of our great socialist experiment.

Viva Barak!

Love & kisses,

Che'

Dang the Torpedos - Full Speed Ahead!

This just in from my friend and fellow revolutionary, Mr. Crankypants.........

President Obama is all over Europe bowing to queens and kings apologizing for how we've been arrogant and dismissive toward them all (by the way, nice shot of your butt, there Mr. Prez. Way to show 'em what a real American butt looks like!)

Isn't it wonderful that we have a president who finally realizes how awful Americans have been all these years to the sophisticated elites of the rest of the world. As though a mere upstart nation, stolen from the Native Americans and populated with riffraff kicked out of every civilized country in the world should have the audacity to consider itself worthy to stand upright in the presence of nations who have been around since Pharaoh marched the Jews out into the desert and put them to work building pyramids.

Those nut balls on talk radio are mad as old wet hens over that too (a further argument for the Fairness Doctrine and neutering of conservatives).

But I say he didn't nearly apologize enough. We've got a lot more 'pologizin' to do! To wit:

1. Apologize to England for that whole revolutionary war thing and offer to send them the money we still owe them for that tea tax. We should also offer to join the Commonwealth again. We could put a little British Union Jack in the flag to replace all those stars (I always thought they was too gaudy anyway - kinda like rhinestones on pajamas!

2. We should apologize to France for invading their country in 1944 and messing up Normandy Beach. We realize now that American ideas about freedom and justice aren't everybody's and we should have left them alone. They had a nice working partnership with Germany going and we had no right to mess it up.

3. We should apologize to Germany for making a mess of their country. They have a right to self-government and it's none of our business anyway if they want to take over all the neighboring countries around them. We should have put economic pressure on them. Bombing and invading was way too extreme a response.

4. We should apologize to Japan for the atomic bombs and for not throwing a million men onto their beaches so that their citizens might die for the emperor with honor. Also we apologize for our inordinately harsh response to Pearl Harbor. If only we'd kept selling them iron and steel then surely they would have felt much more secure with a stronger military built of good solid American pig iron and then they wouldn't have needed to sink all our battleships.

5. We should apologize to Russia for interfering with their plans to dominate the world. They were, after all, being driven by their Marxist ideology and not by any desire to destroy the United States directly. We should have applied economic pressure rather than point all those nuclear missiles at them and force them to bankrupt their economy trying to build more nukes than we had. We should have understood the consequences of challenging the competitive Russian nature and leading them to financial folly in trying to keep up with us.

6. We should apologize to all third world countries for sending food to their starving people. We should have just sent money to their governments instead and trusted them to do the right thing. We're sorry we didn't trust you to actually feed your people instead of buying shiploads of AK-47's from Russia. Even if you'd done that, we should have allowed you to make your own mistakes as that's really the only way you can learn from them.

7. We should apologize to the entire Middle East for supporting Israel. If we'd just kept our nose out of it, all the Jews would be at the bottom of the Mediterranean and there would be sweet peace in all the Middle East.

8. Finally, the President should come home and apologize to the American people for all the past presidents who failed to understand how much Americans want to turn everything over to their government so they can be taken care of from cradle to grave - no more worry about where you should live, what you should eat, what you should do for a living or where you should worship (especially since religion is an opiate for the masses).

Then, the President and the Congress should get straight to work passing all the necessary laws that will make our country and our people just like the rest of the world. For only then, can we change the words on the Statue of Liberty to "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, so long as they vote Democrat, for we will not make them feel inferior because we're just as bad off as they are!"

NOW THAT'S AN AMERICA MICHELLE AND I CAN BE PROUD OF!

The Fairness Doctrine - It's about dang time!

Once again, brilliant commentary from our bold Minister of Propoganda - Farfel Crankypants!
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    How many times are those stupid conservatives going to keep blocking the Fairness Doctrine before     we get tired of it and shut them up for good!!!

    Get it done, Richard. Quit yammering and ram it home!

    Mr. Crankypants

Look, the truth is  we had it sweet before Reagan. We could pretend to give opposing viewpoints "equal time" simply by putting their opinion on the air in the middle of the night when nobody is listening or after the sports when everybody starts turning over to Johnny Carson or the late movie. Now OAN, NewsMax, Fox News and it seems like thousands of independent news outlets get to spout their unwelcome opinions any time of they day the want to. We need better ways to show Americans that if it ain't Progressive, it don't play.  

Just Sayin'
Che' Guerilla